Last night I sobbed myself to sleep. No I did not cry softly to sleep, I released big huge sobs that were so fierce my bed shook like it was in an earthquake. Why, you may ask? Because I was forced to take a good hard honest look at myself and I wasn't sure I liked what I saw.
I am pretty (according to most people) without ever wearing a lick of makeup. I have a shapely body (though it is covered with a few extra lbs.) I have hair that most women would love but I wear it up everyday. I am a very, very low-maintenance, laid-back individual. To me comfort is more important than style. Now I should clarify, I'm not a slob but I am perfectly comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt and that is my outfit of choice 99.99% of the time.
Here's the problem, men are very visual creatures. They like flash. They like sex appeal. They like style. And though what I have to offer is far deeper than my looks, shape or hair, men want to see that. For 37 years I have tried hard to downplay my looks. I do not want someone that only wants me because they think I will look good on their arm. I want someone that says wow E is the most amazing woman on the inside and that makes her outside irresistible (regardless of how I actually look) And for 37 years I have had to listen to people say if you only (fill-in-the blank) you would be so beautiful. For 37 years I have said I do not want to do those things to be considered beautiful.
Well once again last night I was reminded that I do not go the extra mile or even the extra centimeter to make myself up and once again I was reminded that as much as I do not want to admit it, LOOKS MATTER!
So I spent last night sobbing, asking The Lord to send me someone that would see me for who I am and not how I look but feeling as though perhaps I have to doll myself up just to get the chance for someone to appreciate my inside.
So where can I take lessons on dressing like a lady?! (I already act like one)
Striving forward,
~E
I am pretty (according to most people) without ever wearing a lick of makeup. I have a shapely body (though it is covered with a few extra lbs.) I have hair that most women would love but I wear it up everyday. I am a very, very low-maintenance, laid-back individual. To me comfort is more important than style. Now I should clarify, I'm not a slob but I am perfectly comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt and that is my outfit of choice 99.99% of the time.
Here's the problem, men are very visual creatures. They like flash. They like sex appeal. They like style. And though what I have to offer is far deeper than my looks, shape or hair, men want to see that. For 37 years I have tried hard to downplay my looks. I do not want someone that only wants me because they think I will look good on their arm. I want someone that says wow E is the most amazing woman on the inside and that makes her outside irresistible (regardless of how I actually look) And for 37 years I have had to listen to people say if you only (fill-in-the blank) you would be so beautiful. For 37 years I have said I do not want to do those things to be considered beautiful.
Well once again last night I was reminded that I do not go the extra mile or even the extra centimeter to make myself up and once again I was reminded that as much as I do not want to admit it, LOOKS MATTER!
So I spent last night sobbing, asking The Lord to send me someone that would see me for who I am and not how I look but feeling as though perhaps I have to doll myself up just to get the chance for someone to appreciate my inside.
So where can I take lessons on dressing like a lady?! (I already act like one)
Striving forward,
~E
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