E.L. Williams-official site
Last night I sobbed myself to sleep.  No I did not cry softly to sleep, I released big huge sobs that were so fierce my bed shook like it was in an earthquake.  Why, you may ask?  Because I was forced to take a good hard honest look at myself and I wasn't sure I liked what I saw.
I am pretty (according to most people) without ever wearing a lick of makeup.  I have a shapely body (though it is covered with a few extra lbs.)  I have hair that most women would love but I wear it up everyday.  I am a very, very low-maintenance, laid-back individual.  To me comfort is more important than style.  Now I should clarify, I'm not a slob but I am perfectly comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt and that is my outfit of choice 99.99% of the time.
Here's the problem, men are very visual creatures.  They like flash.  They like sex appeal.  They like style.  And though what I have to offer is far deeper than my looks, shape or hair, men want to see that.  For 37 years I have tried hard to downplay my looks.  I do not want someone that only wants me because they think I will look good on their arm.  I want someone that says wow E is the most amazing woman on the inside and that makes her outside irresistible (regardless of how I actually look)  And for 37 years I have had to listen to people say if you only (fill-in-the blank) you would be so beautiful.  For 37 years I have said I do not want to do those things to be considered beautiful.
Well once again last night I was reminded that I do not go the extra mile or even the extra centimeter to make myself up and once again I was reminded that as much as I do not want to admit it, LOOKS MATTER!
So I spent last night sobbing, asking The Lord to send me someone that would see me for who I am and not how I look but feeling as though perhaps I have to doll myself up just to get the chance for someone to appreciate my inside.
So where can I take lessons on dressing like a lady?!  (I already act like one)

Striving forward,
I realized today that by the time my divorce is fnalized, I will have spent equal time with my maiden and married name.  Exactly equal time.  Think about this for a moment.  18 years, 9 months and 6 days as a Miss and 18 years, 9 months and 6 days as a Mrs.  Do you understand the incredible odds of something like that "just happening"  No because that is CLEARLY GOD'S WILL!  Who else can plan the timing down to the second?  NO ONE but The Lord.
So today I am thankful for God's IMPECCABLE TIMING, Love, Mercy and Grace. 

Striving forward,

I believe I will officially change my name to Ms. Hyphenated Name after the divorce.

 I joined a Biggest Loser challenge here at work and I'm sure I have not done well AT ALL!  I started off strong until we had a weigh-in and I discovered I had lost only 5 lbs after 6 weeks of being SUPER DEDICATED!  FIVE LBS!
Discouragement set in and the last two weeks I have done piss poor.  The challenge is ending soon so I want to finish strong.  What do I have to do to get the body pictured above?  I have to be dedicated, I have to be strong and I have to persevere.
Wish me luck as I try hard to get to the point where I can wear a two piece and work it!

Striving on,

For whatever reason I have been unable to sleep for the last week.  I fall asleep but only doze for a few minutes, sometimes an hour, and then wake!  Then it takes me hours to return to sleep.  I cannot even begin to describe to you how tired I was from lack of sleep!!!
Last night, after work, I went almost immediately to bed.  I tossed, turned and cried because I was STILL unable to sleep.  Around 7:30 I took two Tylenol PM pills and prayed that this would work.  Finally, FINALLY, around 9:00 I fell fast asleep.  I opened my eyes at 1:44 AM (nearly 5 consecutive hours so that was GREAT) but instead of getting up to turn off the lights and TV I could see/hear in the living room, I closed my eyes and prayed again, let me ignore that so I can go back to sleep.
Thankfully sleep returned quickly and I woke at 5 AM feeling WONDERFUL!  One doesn't really appreciate the value of a good night's sleep until it goes missing for several days.  I pray tonight I am able to find that sleep again.

Striving on,
Obviously during this time we all think about the blessings we have and are thankful for them.  We should not only give thanks on this extended holiday weekend but each and every day!  Like The Bible says in I Thes 5:18:
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (KJV)

Thank You Lord for the blessings you bestow on me each day.  Thank You for giving me one more day on this earth to possibly lead another to Christ.  Thank You for waking me up with You on my mind.

The benefits of having a grateful, appreciative attitude is so tremendous I cannot put them in my tiny blog.  Your positive attitude will quickly affect all those around you and every situation you encounter.  So plant a smile on your face, seek that silver lining and in all things be it trial, tribulation or triumph, GIVE THANKS!

Striving forward,
People have been asking what is the deal with the second book so here is the scoop.  I am seeking a new publisher.  I could publish Oh God, with the same company but I have not been pleased with my experience with them.  Sadly this is greatly delaying the release date of that second book.  BUT I want my book done right so the delay is worth it.
For those that are dying to see what happens with the characters, I'm sorry.  I don't want to slop something together and have it not represent the hard-work, determination and commitment I put into the story.  I want it to be perfect (or very close) and that was not the case with Baker Street Baptist.  Please stay tuned to this site as I will post sneak peeks for you.

Striving on,

Thought for the day:
If you're gonna do it, do it right...~Wham
(I know that was a cheesy song but it is true)
Over two years ago when my ex and I first started talking divorce, through the encouragement of my therapist, I wrote of list of things I wanted to accomplish.  Things that I had always wanted but placed on the back burner for one reason or another.  Here is that list:
1.)  Rediscover E
2.)  Redecorate my house
3.)  Finish my novel
4.)  Voice-overs
5.)  Travel

I wrote this list and stuck it in a corner in my desk.  The other day, while fall cleaning, I discovered this list and was amazed!  Since writing and stashing this list the following things have occurred:
1.)  Therapy has gotten me to see who E really is and what she really wants.
2.)  I have re-painted my entire upstairs and have new fixtures/frames/pictures to hang according to my taste and not my ex's.
3.)  Obviously the book is done or otherwise you would not be reading this blog.
4.)  Today I was just asked to do a voice-over for a commercial!!!
5.)  Some friends and I are making plans to visit Italy for my 40th birthday!!!

All I did was write the list and set it aside but just by putting my thoughts down on papers, the dreams began to take shape and become reality.  Like The Bible says in Matt 7:7, ask and it shall be given you.  I asked and am now getting.

Thought for the day:
What is on your list?  For what are you prepared to ask?  Be clear and be sure for sometimes we get exactly what we want.

Striving forward,
I read an interesting article today about what it takes to be a success.  Not power, not intelligence, not money but GRIT!  In order to get what you want, you have to be willing to work for it. 
It made me think about the word grit and what it means.  Sure we all know the basic definition of grit but beyond Webster's what does grit really mean?  Perserving, working hard, holding on and making it until you get the reward you seek.  To me grit means...

Gallant effort

I am a gritty person when push comes to shove but in general I tend to be lazy.  No more!  No more excues, no more procrastinating, no more lying to myself (trying to justify the laziness) NO MORE!  Gonna use that GRIT to get me through.  In time, I know I will get my reward from God!

Striving on,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY B!  Getting closer to the top of that hill buddy.
This morning I was running a little late for work.  I should add that though my workday begins at 8:00 AM, I like to be there by 7:45 so when I say a little late, I mean to say I knew I would not be there by 7:45 like normal.  I race into the parking garage seeing the shuttle bus near the pick-up point.  I thought I would have just enough time to park and race to the shuttle.  Not only was the shuttle just around the corner but the driver was one of my favorites that will drop us at the door instead of down the block.  So I race in to discover he left already but another shuttle was already there.  Driving this shuttle was a woman that was notorious for speeding, not stopping when she should and essentially whizzing through the route.  But there she sat on the bus casually reading the paper.  I enter the bus, say good morning and prepare for the quick ride into work.  Oh no, she continued to nonchalantly read her paper!  Normally this would REALLY irk me!  I tend to be impatient at times.  But as I felt myself getting riled I thought, OK so if I walk in at 8:00 or 8:05 that doesn't matter, I knew I was taking that risk when I took longer than normal to get ready and leave this morning.  Also, I cannot make her go any faster so stressing about it was really a waste of time and energy.  So I took a deep breath, put my bags on the seat next to me and just decided to enjoy the ride.
I realized then that God was using that ride as a metaphor for my life.  I do feel God has something WONDERFUL in store for me and as a human I want it now!  But He has often told me I have to endure the process...like I had to endure the bus ride.  I am EXACTLY where I need to be right now, taking a slow but steady journey to someplace MAGNIFICENT!  I cannot hurry the process so the only thing I can do now is relax and enjoy the ride.
So that, my dear loyal readers, is EXACTLY what I am doing now.  The scenery looks great, I know my Life Driver is in complete control and I will get to my destination exactly when I should.
(For the record, the bus driver drove as slow as she possibly could and I arrived at my building at precisely 8:00 AM)  Isn't God WONDERFUL?

As stated in my earlier post, on 9/11 I kicked my husband out and started a new chapter in my life.  I was pondering the significance of that day since 9/11 is now Patriot Day in the US.
Webster defines patriot as one who loves his/her country and supports its authority and interests.  How fitting that on that day when we honor those that love and support our country and its interests, I decided to love and support E and her interests!  Coincidence that God threw the brick at my head to get me to FINALLY act on that day?  I THINK NOT!

Thought of the day:
Love, honor and respect the authority and interest of you for if you do not respect you, no one else will.