Monday evening my daughter and I are casually chatting when she mentions to me that her dad left them Sunday night to pick up some lady at the airport.  She told me the name and said she only knew where he was going because she saw him texting her.  This made me VERY ANGRY.  Why?  Because my ex and I  had just had a conversation where he was adamant that no one was riding around with him...in MY car (since it is still in my name and I am the one still covering the insurance.)  So after dealing with the turmoil of knowing he is actively dating someone though he wants me to believe he isn't, I decided we are too close.  We workout together, we ride to the kids events together, we sit next to each other at these events, we have meals together, etc.  That is entirely too close.  How can I expect true love to enter when I am so involved with my ex?  I cannot.

Yesterday I told him I didn't want to be friends.  I didn't beat him down (though the list is a mile long as to why I wouldn't want to be his friend) but I said it is nothing specific or personal, I just have to do what I think is best for me.  Since then I have felt WONDERFUL!  The feeling of standing up for myself and actually taking care of me is outstanding and makes me wonder why I would want to experience the agony of being involved with him.  So thank you to all those who commented on my blog for the well wishes and encouragement.  It worked for I am doing well.

Thought of the day:
Shake off the cobwebs of despair and dance in the sunlight of happiness.~ Terri Lynn

Striving forward,
~E

Yesterday I found out my soon-to-be ex is dating again.  Though he says he does not have a "girlfriend" he is talking to someone.  Him being with someone else isn't anything new since he "dated" many while we were married but I truly do not know how I should respond to this information.

Part of me wonders why he has people "coming from out the wood works" to talk to him when my phone stays silent.  Part of me wonders how he treats her when he was such an arse to me.  Part of me is relieved hoping she will be a distraction for him and keep him from pestering me.  Part of me wonders what I will do if I run into them out together.  And part of me truly does not care.

I know that I am not ready to date because I need time to get myself together.  Time to build E up again before she can invite anyone into her life.  BUT it does make me wish I had the option to date.  I am not an envious person but I can't help but think WHY NOT ME?  Seems that I have much more to offer than he does yet, as stated earlier, my phone is silent.  (SIGH)

I'm going to shake off that negativiy (or at least try to) and focus on the knowledge that I know God has my back.  I know God has a greater love out there for me that will blow my mind with how wonderful he is.  I know this love will have me thanking God everyday for bringing him into my life.  And I know I am not ready to receive that love yet so once again I need to remain patient.

Thought of the day:
Good things come to those who wait; patience is a virtue; he that have patience can have what he will; and every other cliche on patience that says E BE STILL AND LET GOD WORK!!

Striving forward
~E